Short N Snappy

Going Global (and Green)
TheGlobal Investors’ Meet got (GIM) over last month. Sadly for The Man from Madras Musings, he had to miss it, what with his having to be elsewhere. If only he had been around, he is pretty much sure that he would have enough material to fill several columns of this size for months on end. For instance, as he could see from the newspapers, there was this laser display on the riverside, a speech by a certain minister that drew much traction and titillation not to mention derision… But let us draw a veil of modesty over such outlandish manifestations of our international mindset.
Returning to home base, MMM noticed that everyone in officialdom is going about with a smug look and those that are agile are patting themselves on the back. After all, Yoga is one of the many things we gave the world, apart from the first head transplant. Targets have been met, said one panjandrum to MMM, adding that other States were going green with envy. MMM too is delighted for he would like this to be a land of milk and honey. Apparently much of the promised investment is in the area of green technology, which appears to be the in-thing these days. Give us our daily sunlight and plenty of wind, appears to be the prayer.
MMM did notice on return that it was not just the surrounding States that went green. Madras that is Chennai too donned that colour, this being the current favourite shade of power if those in the know are to be believed. Flyovers went green and continue to remain that way. Even poor old Munro was not spared. Driving by the other day, MMM noticed that the man was illuminated in a light precisely of that colour. And while on the subject of lights, what MMM would like to know is whether the promise of illuminating public heritage buildings during the GIM was carried out. MMM rather suspects that it was not and the structures were allowed to languish.
Everybody worked overtime to achieve the targets set, said the same panjandrum to MMM, on condition of strict anonymity of course. Apparently GIM had to be a success and, if not, the future for many was predicted to be GRIM. This set the tone and the event, as it turned out, was termed a hit. Which is all to the good. MMM will be more than happy to see the colour of the money, also green, that he is sure will soon be making its way by way of the projects taking off. Otherwise, after all this effort, MMM’s friend the panjandrum and others of his ilk will be left blue in the face, the State’s bottomline in the red and the future would be grey.
Another panjandrum, with some affinity to those in the opposition, said that the ones out of power were quite sick at the way the GIM turned out. Their own future they opined was likely to be grim and they were apparently very glum about it. This rather puzzled MMM. After all, everyone in politics is supposed to be working for the welfare of the same State, no?
Roads (not) global
The Man from Madras Musings has just returned from far off lands and among his first resolutions even as the aircraft touched the Chennai tarmac was to not write anything comparing foreign and local roads. He need not have worried. For all the principal thoroughfares in Chengai (or is it Chingapore) looked truly wonderful. They were tarred afresh and what’s more had gleaming, self-luminescent and reflective what-nots (MMM is not aware of the correct term for these things and so will refer to them henceforth as GSLRWN) pasted all along the borders, the central median and the lane separators. They winked and twinkled to such an extent that MMM assumed they were part of the publicity campaign for a film titled Bling Is King.
Closer inspection of the edges revealed that this was as slap dash an effort as any other that our civic agencies specialise in. They reminded MMM of a Viceroy’s Journal from the past where the potentate is invited to inaugurate a hospital up north and finds on arrival that only the façade is ready, the rest no doubt not being of any consequence once the grandiose opening was done with. The same applied to our roads as well. The first set of rains post the GIM, and the tar began to open up and reveal all the cracks within. Even the GSLRWNs looked a trifle jaded. Several had moved out of alignment, having been pasted when the tar was still wet and so not having had time to set in their proper places. Clearly the bling was not allowed to cling.
It was, however, the liberal usage of yellow paint that was a dead giveaway. MMM had half expected that this colour of the sun would be vetoed for road signs and replaced with that of tender leaves but he presumes that this idea may have been given up out of considerations of visibility. And so yellow and white colours were used to mark the borders of the lanes. This however was done in such a hurry that nobody noticed anything amiss in the wrong usage of the paints. Internationally, as MMM understands them, a yellow line is marked to separate traffic flowing into two diametrically opposite directions and no turning is permitted over a solid yellow line. A solid white line signifies a lane on one side a road, and there may be many such lines indicating many lanes of traffic flowing in one direction. A dotted white line indicates cars can shift between lanes.

None of these have any meaning in Chennai anyway, for cars, or that matter buses, autos, rickshaws, trucks, motorcyclists and bikers, can weave their way in and out among lanes, across lanes and even across opposite directions of traffic. And perhaps this is what sprang to the mind of whoever painted the lines on the roads. The yellow was liberally used to divide lanes going along the same side of the road and the white was used to mark the central median that separates traffic moving in opposite directions. MMM assumes that the global investors were too traumatised by our traffic to notice and had probably shut their eyes in prayer each time they travelled. But if they been brave enough to look around, they would have seen the strange road markings and possibly assumed these to be the reasons behind the chaos.
The one sign incidentally that was never marked, was the zebra crossing. But that does not really matter anyway.
Tailpiece
The Man from Madras Musings wonders how many errors can actually be identified in the address shown in the picture alongside. Quite the flavour of the times?

-MMM

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