Short ‘N’ Snappy

-MMM

Of mugs given & taken

Of late The Man from Madras Musings is invited to all kinds of events. The expression all and sundry would be the mot juste with emphasis being on the sundry. MMM imagines his position to be equivalent to that of an ageing and waterlogged boot that gets regularly caught in the fishing nets cast by event organisers. They cast him back into the waters after their respective events are over so that other organisers can then haul him in.

Perhaps it is the way MMM looks especially when being photographed that inspires these people, for by way of memento (or momento as MMM has often seen it spelt in this our land), they invariably gift him a coffee mug. MMM now has a huge collection of these, varying in size, design and overall ghastliness. Some sport oriental designs, others bear cartoons and some have plain messages. There is one common factor – they cannot be recycled by way of gifting them away to someone else. That is because all of them have personalised messages immortalising the giver or the taker. Take for instance a gift of a mug from an institute of technology’s alumni association that has its logo engraved on it. How can MMM pass this off to anyone else? The first question the mug at the receiving end is bound to ask on opening the gift is whether MMM is an alumnus of that institution, which he is not. The receiving mug is then bound to ponder over the gift mug and come to the conclusion that MMM had made a mug out of him. And so, MMM is stuck with hundreds of mugs.

The problem is that you cannot make a coffee set of six out disparate mugs. And even if you did, how many such sets can you have? After all, MMM is not the British Royal Family to throw tea parties for hundred where all these mugs can be used. You can use a couple as pen stands but then how many of those can you have? Add toothbrush holders and a planter for some indoor foliage in miniature but even after all these uses, there are still several mugs left over. The only possible use that MMM can think of is to carry these mugs each time he goes on an overseas visit. Many countries have an abhorrent policy of paper instead of water for what are known as ablutions. MMM is strongly pro-water. These mugs are bound to come in handy and the advantage is that you can leave them behind in the toilets used as a kind gesture for future visitors from India who may be desperate to wash as opposed to wipe. There is however the matter of excess baggage. MMM wonders as to how many mugs would constitute a kilogram of baggage.

Having come to the conclusion that he has been made a mug out of thus far, MMM has taken to asking event organisers who invite him if they intend gifting him a mug for his services. And then, not waiting for their response, he also makes it clear that he is not in the market for any mugs and would be glad if they desisted from offering him any memento. He then proceeds to list the other items he does not want – shawls of brocade or any other variety, black lacquer or silver plated Tanjore plates, papier-mâché figurines, photo frames, tinsel filigree garlands with balls of sandal that leave a yellow stain on your clothes thereby making you remember the event forever… the list is seemingly endless.

The inevitable reaction on MMM issuing such a caveat is that such gifts are part of our tradition. MMM wonders since when mugs became part of our tradition. Coffee yes, but mugs? Anyway, he has since managed to deter many a determined organiser from gifting him these assorted useless items. He has made bold to suggest flowers or fruits as options but these have not met with much favour. Probably the expense involved (you cannot order flowers and fruits at the beginning of the year for all the planned events in the calendar and strike a bargain price for wholesale purchase as you can do with gimcrack whatnots) makes organisers think twice.

Summer (not yet) here

The suspense is killing. And The Man from Madras Musings for one is not amused. When will we get the weather we are familiar with? MMM alludes to the sticky and hot season that really keeps us Chennai peoples on our toes. We are also at our happiest grumbling about it and when it is not vouchsafed us, we begin to fret. We as a people are unused to good weather and do not know how to enjoy it. Give us this day our daily sweat we pray.

But the weather gods or whoever/whatever else that decides on the climate have decided to play games with Chennai. How else can you explain these chilly mornings? The temperature was down to 18 deg C in Meenambakkam last week one night. That is enough for Chennai to shiver and pull out from the mothballs all the shawls, sweaters and other woollies that had not seen the light of day since the last time everyone went to Bangalore. The nights are pleasant as well and as for the day, while it is warming up after the harsh and dark winter we had, it is not yet summer. Considering that it is already mid-March, we are a puzzled lot. Heat we understand, but all this cold? No way. This is Madras, or at least was till we took to calling it Chennai.

All over the city, quarrels are happening over the temperature in which the air-conditioners are to be set. The majority of our citizens somehow imagine that office spaces need to be at arctic temperatures in summer and oven-like heat in ‘winter’ (you know the Chennai winter – a slight reduction in the overall heat). But now they are confused, not having ever used intermediate temperature settings. One half wants the air-conditioner to be set to near freezing on the grounds that it is summer while the other lot, that coughs and wheezes like clockwork from October to March, insists on ratcheting up the heat.

Similar is the ill will between those who get bitten by mosquitoes and those that don’t. This intermediary weather, known as spring in other parts of the world, has seen the proliferation of these airborne vectors as our Corporation refers to them. Our civic body in MMM’s view also looks on these insects with a paternal affection for it has done nothing to eliminate them. Their surge in numbers is causing much distress to the majority while a minority watches and scoffs.

All of this is bound to result in unrest of some kind, hopefully not of the jallikattu variety. The weather had better take a turn for the worse, and soon at that.

Tailpiece

The Man from Madras Musings took this picture a week back. It is clear that the helmet law is being taken to extremes by some of our two-wheeler riders.