Short ‘N’ Snappy

-MMM

The best way to a bandh

And so the State of Tamil Nadu had a bandh. The Man from Madras Musings could only smile at the feeble manner in which it was observed. That the party, which called for it, claimed it was a complete success is only to be expected. And perhaps, according to its standards, it was. But to MMM, coming as he does from Calcutta, there are certain high standards to a bandh that have been set in that city to which Chennai can only aspire in vain.

Firstly, where was the complete stoppage of all public transport? Till the last minute, newspapers and electronic media claimed that bus and train services would be affected. But given the number of people who went to office that day, much to MMM’s complete disgust, it was clear that the transport unions had lamentably decided to answer the call of duty. True, the opposition party that was pro-bandh and its eternally-wanting-to-be-young leader did make a half-hearted attempt at stopping traffic on arterial roads, but the police, which showed a sad lack of respect for bandh rules, immediately arrested all protestors and took them off to a marriage hall, where eternally-wanting-to-be-young leader conducted the marriage of two protestors. Is a wedding conducted during bandh hours really legal? And what business had eternally youthful to officiate at such an event when he was technically on strike? If the leader himself does not observe the rules of a bandh, who else will? And then, the party had a ‘working committee’ meeting to decide on future course of action. How can a working committee work during bandh hours?

As for the police, the less said the better. Any force with a healthy respect for bandhs would not have stepped in earlier than 5 pm to arrest the leader who was blocking traffic. That way, there would have been chaos on the roads for sufficiently long enough to paralyse the city, the electronic and social media would have covered the stoppage extensively, leader would have got his optics and the police, at 5  pm, would have had the satisfaction of having done its duty.

MMM would like to blame schools also for their casual attitude to a bandh call. Not one of them closed. Children went to study happily on a day when they ought to have been at home playing games on their cell phones. Not one of them protested at this snatching away of a fundamental right. Parents too were quite content sending off their wards to school before they set off to work. It all shows a sad lack of respect for The Bandh Book of Rules (first printed in Calcutta). Given all these comings and goings, the roads were full of traffic, and newspapers were not given an opportunity to show a bunch of youngsters playing cricket on a principal thoroughfare.

Last but not least, can any self-respecting party call for a bandh on a Thursday? That is a day that is neither here nor there. In sunny Bengal, no party worth its salt would declare bandh-s on any day other than a Friday or a Monday. That way everyone got an extended weekend and therefore cooperated wholeheartedly in making every bandh a success. There were some weeks when the ruling party would call for a bandh on a Monday and the opposition would call one on the following Friday. The ensuing three-day weeks were a thing of beauty and a joy forever. Chennai-ites have no feel for a bandh and do not know how to enjoy it. It is time our leaders are sent northeast for a quick course on how to organise bandh-s and make them effective.

Of Tweedledumasan And Tweedledeejani

Our State, in the view of the Man from Madras Musings, has for long been led politically in pairs. The original Tweedledum and Tweedledee both wore black glasses and one of the two had a fur cap to add to his phenomenal charisma. After he faded out, we had the mom of all Tweedledees who gave old Tweedledum of the former pair a run for his money. Thereafter we had a seesawing battle for power, with crown, throne, orb and sceptre going alternately to old Tweedledum and his bête noire, the mom of all Tweedledees. The lady has since gone but old Tweedledum, has rather incredibly enough, survived, after a fashion and is a mere shell of his former jousting self.

In something akin to mitosis, old mother Tweedledee’s party has its own set of Tweedledum and Tweedledee. They initially set out to do battle, but then buried the hatchet when faced with the prospect of an evil stepmother. They are since then walking about arm in arm, though MMM learns from reliable sources that behind the scenes they are locked in armed combat. It is only by stealing Tweedledum’s rattle has Tweedledee brought about a modicum of peace.

But all of this in MMM’s view, pales into insignificance when compared to the other pair of Tweedledum & Tweedledee, namely the former matinee idols who are now testing political waters with their toes. Both are of the kind where they will lower themselves into the water only when they can see the bottom and so they are contenting themselves with issuing statements for anything and everything. And every once in a while, when they find time hanging heavy on their hands, they call on original Tweedledum, who as MMM said has survived rather in the manner  of Methuselah and seen it all. MMM wonders as to what old Tweedledum must be thinking of the new pair. Probably not much, is MMM’s analysis.

But to get back to the modern day pair. Not a day passes when they don’t issue a statement or two on matters about which their understanding is clearly quite low, rather like the level of water in the river that our neighbouring State is always damming up. On one day, if Tweedledum is issuing a statement demanding communal harmony, Tweedledee is tweeting on water. The next day they reverse roles. On Day 3, they praise each other. On Day 4, Tweedledum, who has stolen a march on Tweedledee by forming a party while the latter is only speaking of his intentions in that direction, trashes Tweedledee by stating that he, Tweedledee, has in his, Tweedledum’s opinion, got no fight in him. On Day 5 Tweedledum issues statements calling for the stepping down of the Tweedledum and Tweedledee in power, while arch rival Tweedledee maintains silence. On Day 6, Tweedledee clears his throat and his fans go wild with joy. On Day 7, they both rest. And so life goes on. What surprises MMM most is that there are plenty of believers in the pronouncements of Tweedledum and Tweedledee. How many are genuine followers will, however, be known only when elections come about. For all you know, old Tweedledum, who has seen it all, may still have the last laugh.

Tailpiece

‘This summer and the Man from Madras Musings’ mind automatically turned towards the airconditioner in his room. And this is what he saw. He leaves you to form your own conclusions.