Registered with the Registrar of Newspapers for India under R.N.I 53640/91

Vol. XXIX No. 24, April 1-15, 2020

All Hail 38C!

Bharathi Rajaram

Yesterday, I went to Chembur to stock up on coffee powder before somebody decides good old Ganapathi Stores is a global CV hotspot and proactively closes it for a month. BSTS, I thought – Better Safe Than Sorry!

A very enterprising Dharavi fellow – I *love* their ingenuity and business sense! – had hit upon a huge business opportunity in face masks. He had converted his stock of female undergarments into makeshift face masks, complete with adjustable straps, padding, underwiring and the works! I guess the workers had been busy stitching on faux Victoria’s Secret labels until the smart owner whacked them on the head and swore at them in Tamil (Arivuirukaada!).

So now the good Chembur hawkers have the typical white, black and skin colour hosiery material bras hanging on display, but with a single cup. When I first saw them, I thought it was positively weird until the penny dropped, and I ended up doubling over in tears of laughter. Take this, you stupid coronavirus – we may not have an N95 mask, but we have other weapons in sizes 32B, 34C, 36A, 38C and more!

Just when the puzzled hawker and other passers-by were helping me up from my fits of laughter, I spotted one temple priest on his two-wheeler, wearing an exquisitely form-fitted underwired 38C cup on his face. It was such a perfectly snug fit! The hilariously erotic image of our Venerable Srinivasa Iyer Gurukkal going around town reciting Vishnu Sahasra Namam with his face ensconced in a Victoria’s Secret 38C was too much for me. I broke into fits of laughter again!

I returned home and narrated this story on the What’s App group I share with my Chennai school friends. One poor chap, a father of two, asked,“Hey what is a 38C?” A wag from the US replied with a straight face, “Dei, 38C is that bus route from Vivekananda House to ThiruViKa Nagar daa!” And we all went into peals of laughter again.

Only humour can save us from this coronavirus insanity. All hail 38C!

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