Registered with the Registrar of Newspapers for India under R.N.I 53640/91
Vol. XXV No. 17, December 16-31, 2015
Growing old graciously, remembering the past
R.V. Rajan’s article in Madras Musings on (MM, November 16th) inspired me to reflect further on the subject in a philosophical way.
I tend to identify myself with the elders.
Dr. Anand Amaladass, s.j.
The process of growing old has been the focus of scientific study in the West. The subject is known as gerontology (from the Greek word geron = old man). Whatever be the theories proposed by psychologists concerning health, sickness, memory etc. related to old age, it simply means accepting the fact of life that whatever is born must die, even if you subscribe to corollary – whatever dies must be born again.
Studies show that life expectancy has nearly doubled in the developing countries, adding a few decades to the normal life span. But then aging as a process is not limited to the later phase of life, which is often viewed negatively. Judging from the standards of creative productivity and biological functioning these stages can be seen as a downward curve of life eventually leading to death. But from a spiritual point of view, aging allows the resources of faith to illumine the challenges and gifts intrinsic to adult growth and to discover the deeper meaning of life.
As a person grows old, perspectives change depending on the circumstances in which he or she is placed. The process of growth is also affected by several factors such as the environment, financial resources at the person’s disposal, the family background, etc. Many things have been given to us – we did not choose, for example, our parents, our sex, the place and time of our birth, the language milieu in which we have been brought up. They all make an impact on our life and shape our perspectives. In other words, even before we begin to think for ourselves, the core nucleus of our character has been fixed and we have to accept it as our karma or divine providence.
People who have lived a full life will admit that it is a gift to have lived on earth, experienced life in its various stages, learned the wisdom of mankind through the lives of great people, saints, artists and prophets, through literature and art. If we happen to be blessed with some talents and gifts which we have inherited or acquired and have ourselves contributed something to society at large, we should feel satisfied and content. Even if we have not participated in the creative process, the fact that we have lived at a particular period of time, witnessed great events, shared the joys and sorrows of people around us, should make us feel overwhelmed by all that happened in history.
This is what we learn from an ancient poet in the Puram anthology (182). The poet is happy and content in his old age, because there are noble people around who never eat alone without sharing, there are people who live without hate, anger or idle sloth, who would give up their lives for others, who live with self-respect. No wonder then the earth is secure. That is a brilliant portrayal of someone grown old gracefully.
Even if a person is not a creative artist, he or she could listen to music, see paintings or sculptures, or watch a dance recital and be overwhelmed by the aesthetic delight being offered by the talented artists. We can all admire the creative writers who imaginatively present a world of their own and invite us to enter into it to experience the mystery of life.
Another mature way of aging is confronting limitations. The so-called midlife crisis has to do with meeting the challenge of limits, namely, facing a sense of emptiness and brokenness, and thus being afraid of starting anew. So too old age could be a time of multiple loss – health, job, spouse, friends and an awareness that the end is near. As we look back on our life we discover several inadequacies and limitations in spite of our real or projected achievements. We have to come to terms with this aspect of life. We might regret, complain about and calculate what we have missed in life if we had been differently placed. But growing old graciously means accepting our limitations at this stage. This process may be painful for some. But nothing will change at this stage and this discernment is crucial for the person’s happiness.
Basically the person is at a point where he or she has to find meaning in memory. The role of memory is crucial here. It could be part of the cultural memory that gives us an identity. Practical ways of pursuing the art of reminiscing include keeping a journal, reflecting on scrap-books, photo albums or old letters, going back to the location of our birth, childhood and adult life. Such a life review opens new paths for the future and can also be a healthy way of preparing to meet our destiny. It is a way of passing on our life and its meaning to the next generation.
Some take to writing their memoirs and that is a creative way of living meaningfully. People write autobiographies to put order into the writer’s own life. Writing down such events that shaped his or her life, re-living them in a way, is also a healing process.
Some also consider it a self-imposed task to give an account of themselves to their community and humanity at large, how they have put to use what they have inherited as talents or life’s opportunities. They are part of the human heritage and the next generation might evaluate them in their own way. In other words, they write history and, thus, find their fulfillment in life. This is certainly a gracious way of growing old.
Memories could be painful as well as joyful. Painful memories could be due to estranged relationships which haunts our memories. My father told me about his experience in his later years. He and his school companion living in the same village were not on talking terms for years. But before his death this companion sent word for my father and spoke to him freely about their earlier days in life and even asked pardon. That was a moment of reconciliation for both. My father was moved by this gesture deeply and remained speechless. Few have the courage to reconcile with people and that is certainly the way of growing gracefully.
