Registered with the Registrar of Newspapers for India under R.N.I 53640/91

Vol. XXXI No. 3, May 16-31, 2021

Short ‘N’ Snappy

- MMM

To be ill or not to be

It has been quite a while since The Man from Madras Musings wrote this column, there being so little to laugh about in this city of ours. Both MMM and his good lady, also known as She Who Must Be Obeyed are safe and maintaining all safety precautions. But sadly that was not enough for a beloved elder, who having caught the scourge, passed on, deeply mourned by all. And so it has been quite a wrench for MMM to get back to doing what he likes best, namely, writing this column. But then life has to go on.

A month or so ago, when the numbers had begun their climb upwards but not to the extent we see now, one of the minions in the office of MMM’s good lady began coughing. Alarm bells were rung at once and the man was packed off to undergo a test. Sure enough he was infected and everyone in MMM’s good lady’s office was faced with the question of what was to be done with the patient. The problem was that the man was from up north and his wife and children had remained there. He lived all by himself in the city and now that he was ill, there was no way that he could manage by himself. And so it was decided that he had to get admitted, at one of the Government-run facilities. Those were days when the city was not yet hard up for beds or oxygen at hospitals and so securing admission was a simple matter. He had to just present himself at the Omandurar Government Estate and all would be well.

Now you can take a horse to the water but you cannot make it drink. And that is exactly what was faced. The man just refused to go to the hospital. He was not ill he declared and so it seemed, for his cough had vanished overnight and there was no other symptom. And yet, there was the certificate declaring him to be as sick as mud. MMM’s good lady turned to MMM, he being an adept in the mother tongue of the patient and he convinced the man that he had to go. And so off he went. At the Omandurar Estate they directed him to another facility, also Government run and bade him get admitted there. This was not to the liking of the patient and he managed to sweet talk one of the doctors into letting him off for being asymptomatic. The news having reached MMM’s good lady, panic buttons were once again pressed, MMM got on to the phone and convinced the man he had to get admitted at the second facility.

The next morning, the man was back on the phone. The place was not okay he declared. And when MMM enquired as to what exactly His Lordship found fault with, he said that he had to share a toilet with three Covid patients and so he lived in fear of his life. MMM then once again told the man that his medical certificate clearly said he was ill and since there was no way he could isolate at his rented accommodation, he had been sent to the hospital for his own safety, and those of others. To this the man replied that he had no Covid and that the certificate was false and so could he go home. MMM hung up, leaving fate to decide on future course of action.

He need not have worried. The head nurse, no doubt used to such people, threatened the patient with summary arrest if he so much as even dreamt of leaving the place. He had better stay back for 14 days she warned, or else. The man resigned himself to his fate but next morning was back on the phone. He wanted MMM to send him gloves, masks and hand sanitiser. Why, did not the hospital provide these, asked MMM. Yes, they did came the reply, but those were all meant for Covid patients, while he, MMM’s good lady’s minion, was not ill in the first place and so how could he share them with those infected? MMM once again rewound the whole story, beginning with the test certificate but to very little effect.

Thereafter, there was silence for ten days. And then one day the man returned, all hale and hearty. He had developed some symptoms later he said but that was no doubt owing to his having had to stay with Covid patients. But now he was all right and he looked forward to getting back to normal times. And what did he mean by that MMM asked. Oh, nothing much, just wandering around without masks. Now that he had recovered from Covid the man said, he ran no risk and so did not need any protective gear.

So much for this country’s awareness reflected MMM. We are full of people who either deny they are ill, or think they cannot be infected or imagine that if ill they can infect nobody else.

In Search of the Past

In these days of lockdown The Man from Madras Musings answers the telephone more often than he did during the days of active work. And sometimes he regrets it. As he did the other day when he responded to a call from someone claiming to be someone representing someone else very high up in the echelons of the Government. The high someone, as opposed to the middle someone who called, apparently wanted to get in touch with MMM and this was his/her way of sending out a feeler to ascertain if MMM was in the mood or frame of mind to be in touch with those in Government.

Now before you run away with ideas, what with there having been a change of guard in the state, let MMM assure you that the high-up someone was not an elected representative but an official who was doing some research on temples in the city with a view to setting right land records. The middle level someone was acting as per instructions and proceeded to ask MMM if he was aware of an obscure temple in the Town area. MMM had never heard of the place and said so. Whereupon the caller was plainly disappointed.

“Cha!” said the voice. “We have drawn a blank wherever we have asked. Where can we get details of land ownership?”
MMM then suggested gently that government records may be the best resource. The voice was quite unimpressed.

“Oh that is impossible. How do you expect us to go searching in various departments when we need the information in a hurry? We work with tight deadlines you know. I asked the temple priests and they had no clue. One of them suggested your name which is why I called and now you say you don’t even know of the temple.”

Privately MMM wondered as to whether ignorance of the existence of a shrine was tantamount to culpable homicide not amounting to murder or some such heinous crime but he held his tongue. He was also flattered that priests in temples knew of him.

The voice in the meanwhile continued ranting –

“I also wanted to express my displeasure at the way temples in Chennai are so poorly documented. Just compare them to shrines in Kumbakonam, Thanjavur and Kanchipuram. Really this is a sorry state of affairs which historians like you need to look into.”

MMM promised to set right this grievous omission at the earliest. The voice rang off but it clearly intends to call again and lay at MMM’s door many other glaring lacunae in the information it wants. Watch this space.

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