Short ‘N’ Snappy

– MMM

Monsoon Moments

‘It rained and rained for forty daysy daysy’ warbled The Man from Madras Musings. This was when he was a mere mmm, and rather cherubic at that, having just joined school. He was taught this song and sang along with the rest of the class. The burden of the piece, and MMM here is not so sure that the teacher did not consider the singing to be the burden, was about God instructing Noah to prepare for the floods. The lyrics of the song, beyond a line or two have faded from MMM’s memory but he is fairly certain that Noah’s flood survival measures would have been nothing compared to the citizens of Madras that is Chennai the moment they heard a depression was on its way across the seas.

Unlike war, where MMM understands the need for stocking up in the face of a prolonged siege, rains come and go. The effects may last for a few days at most and average household should, in MMM’s view have enough to tide over the crisis. But not so felt many and so, as was reported extensively on social media, people began hoarding. And not stopping with thatthey began calling their friends to firstly gloat over their stockpile and secondly sow seeds of doubt in other minds about the sufficiency of their provisions. Even MMM’s good lady, also known as She Who Must Be Obeyed and who generally does not turn a hair (MMM too does not but that is because he is bald) when faced with crises, felt obliged to go hunting in shops for bread, a commodity that is hardly ever used in chez MMM. Mercifully, her panic was passing in nature and her quest for bread for brief. And she came back emptyhanded.

Weathermen of the private variety were badgered for information – will it rain above my house kind of questions, and they answered patiently. The Government sounded an orange and then a red alert. The degree of (un)preparedness on the part of the authorities was evident from the heights of propaganda. Media supporting the powers that be claimed all was well, while that supporting the Opposition showed every pothole.

And then, the Government unleashed what in MMM’s opinion is its greatest weapon – it declared a holiday for all schools. This had its immediate intended effect and has not been known to fail, yet. The rains that were supposed to pour for three days vanished immediately after that, though while they lasted they showed what they were capable of – non-stop lightning, thunder like cannonade and water coming down in buckets.

For whatever reason, many in the city were left with a sense of disappointment. They vented their fury at the private weathermen. The Government heaved a sigh of relief and went back to doing what it does best – dig more roads. The Opposition, irritated that it could not add more weapons to its arsenal, howled on about flooding and lack of relief measures and then, realising that the city was getting back to normal, quietened down. Until the next burst of rain that is.

In MMM’s view, the major learning from this spell of rain is that flyovers can be used for parking. While the Velachery flyover hogged the news, the RK Salai flyover too had a few vehicles on it. That they all had the flag of the party in power shows why they remained undisturbed.

Diplomatic Disasters

Those who follow the ramblings of the Man from Madras Musings will know that he attends diplomatic events chiefly to observe the ridiculous. There were the famed episodes in MMM’s career – the ambassador of an impoverished country giving him a photocopy of a visiting card as he could not afford printing them afresh, the announcement that only bowl food would be given and the dinner where the menu was so alien that hardly anyone ate and most left in a huff. The most recent episode, though not in that class, only went to reaffirm that such events are organised more for the sake of form than really with an effort to impress.

MMM was asked if he could speak about the city to a visiting delegation and he agreed. A day before the event he prepared a presentation to help the session along and emailed it to the point of contact only to be told that there would be no facility to project as this was planned more as an ‘informal chat’. MMM had a familiar sinking feeling which was accentuated when the organiser said she would not be present as she had to be elsewhere. It is MMM’s considered view that when the organiser of an event welshes, it usually indicates that the programme will be a mess. Sure enough it was.

On the day of the event MMM was informed that the programme was not at the upmarket hotel where the delegation was staying but in another that would properly qualify as the boondocks. MMM, having no other choice drove over and was on time only to find that the delegation was nowhere in sight. A call from an overseas number informed MMM that they were held up in traffic and would soon be there. The prolonged wait necessitated MMM having to use the washroom, which he did, trying not to look at the stained porcelain and the tissue papers flying around.

The group eventually arrived and then it dawned on MMM that they did not have a reservation at the hotel restaurant. Some hurried negotiations took place between the group leader and the hotel manager, and we were all led to a space outside the restaurant, more a corridor really, where chairs were hurriedly assembled. The leader of the delegation informed MMM that coming from a cold country, his group preferred to be outside, absorbing the warmth. That it was awfully hot and humid and that this was more a face saver did not escape MMM.

It being a dry day, the leader beamed that no alcohol was available (so much money saved his smile said). Not that it mattered to MMM who is a teetotaller but the rest looked taken aback. And then, without so much as an introduction, MMM was asked to speak. As if cue, a wedding band, to entertain guests at an open air event on the lawn burst into raucous music. MMM summoned all the lung power in his possession and practically screamed out his talk. And then refusing all invites to stay on for dinner, left (the leader looked pleased at the saving).

The next morning MMM had a call from the organiser. She wanted MMM’s feedback. She got it.

Tailpiece

Exactly as predicted by Madras Musings, the zipline at the Agri Horticultural Society on Cathedral Road malfunctioned and trapped two ladies. The Man from Madras Musings was amused to read a statement of the minister that this was due to a variation in gravity. Did the two women travel to the moon MMM wonders.

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