Short ‘N’ Snappy

by MMM

When Govt. lists heritage buildings

There was a time when if a voice, and in particular a female, one had called The Man from Madras Musings over the phone he would have been at his best, all courtesy, charm and what have you. Call it age, or whatever, but nowadays it is more with a sense of weariness that MMM responds, for his gut feel is that the caller, no matter of which sex, is yet another reporter, or so-called researcher, who is seeking the obvious and by that MMM means readily available information that a good Google search should provide. And in most cases MMM’s hunch has proved correct.

Such was indeed the case last week. A voice, female, called and laid on the flattery rather thick. It declared that it read everything that MMM wrote. Hearing it, MMM had a strange Othello like sensation for had not Desdemona on hearing his tales given for his pains a world of sighs and sworn in faith that ’twas strange, ’twas passing strange, ’twas pitiful, ’twas wondrous pitiful? Only in this case it did not invoke in MMM any divine passion. He merely asked rather brusquely as to what the voice wanted. And to this the voice had a tale that made MMM wonder as to whether he ought to laugh or weep.

It transpires that ten years after the Hon’ble High Court of Madras passed judgement that the Government ought to get serious about heritage conservation, there is finally some action. Only it is not of a progressive nature. The High Court relied on the report of a Committee which included the Chief and which had listed four hundred and odd heritage buildings of the city. The team, as MMM recalls correctly, burnt the midnight oil by way of putting together that report, neatly dividing the buildings by area, category, heritage value and appending a brief note on the history and architecture importance of each structure. This was the report the Court threw at the Government and asked it to follow the same.

The Government it transpires felt that the report was not good enough and no doubt not put together by a team that had good credentials. It has therefore commissioned a set of architecture colleges in the State and entrusted the task of a fresh listing to their students. They have been mandated to come up with a list of 100 buildings, “neatly dividing the buildings by area, category, heritage value and appending a brief note on the history and architecture importance of each structure” which as you can see was the exact basis on which the earlier report was done. And the students are on the hunt for experts to assist them.

It was one of these that called MMM and cooed to him. In response MMM asked the voice as to what help it needed. It said it required information on the history and heritage value of each building, neatly divided by area and category. To this MMM asked if the voice was aware of the existence of the earlier report, which was available as a free download on the internet, which provided information on the history and heritage value of each building, neatly divided by area and category. The voice said ‘yes’, it was aware and was using it but was wondering if MMM had any more info to be added. It also said that a couple of (in MMM’s view) wannabe historians who chiefly rely on Google for their research had been of immense help. To this MMM regretted that he would not be able to add anything more by way of info after such experts had been signed up. The voice was not willing to take no for an answer. There was a hint of a purse of gold. MMM then came up with what is always a sure shot exit – he asked the voice to send him an email giving details of which buildings it wanted information on, neatly dividing them by area and category. The voice hung up.

If this is the way the Government proposes to go about heritage conservation, God save our heritage buildings.

Pains of policing

The Man from Madras Musings has certain fixed routes by which he goes every day and while doing so he never fails to observe what are often referred to as posses of policemen at two locations – one at a garden that contains the residence of a dead Chief Minister and the other a consulate belonging to the country that is considered by many to be the Ultimate Stupendous Abode, at least to judge by the number of people queuing up for visas every day.

It is the first that perturbs MMM more. Guarding a living and functioning Chief Minister is understandable. To what purpose is making so many policemen hang around what was the private residence of a late Chief Minister? And it is not as though these policemen and women are standing to attention all the time, making for an impressive display like the guards outside the palace of another and living queen in a distant rain-soaked island. There people pay money to go and stand up close to the guards and take photos as well and that is one of the ways that erstwhile world power shores up its economy and keeps it queen in comfort. Here, in Chennai, on the other hand, these policemen just lounge around and given that they have no shelter from the heat or the (occasional) rain, present a far from impressive spectacle. In any case, MMM wonders as to why the State is paying for what is essentially the guarding of an empty private residence. Surely it is up to those who inherited it/claim to have inherited it/dispute the claims of others to inherit it/fighting to convert it into a memorial so that the people inherit it, to pay and provide that security? In any case, most of those guarding the place appear to be busy sending out phone messages or browsing on their smart phones.

The same applies to guarding the consulate. Imagine spending your entire day perched on a flyover with nothing overhead but a metal sheet and nothing to see but a fairly ordinary-looking consulate and nothing to hear but the roar of traffic. It must be a dead job. It is no wonder that most of the guards on duty are found seated on parapets under the flyover, either looking into their phones or gazing enviously at people who are gadding about in cars/buses/two-wheelers or on foot. There is just one difference between guarding the house and the consulate. MMM is fairly certain that the latter is not protected gratis and so it does generate some revenue for the State.

Either way, MMM wonders if in this era of hi-tech security, standing a posse of not-very-attentive policemen outside a premises is the best way of providing protection.

Tailpiece

The Man from Madras Musings notices that the Corporation or someone else has put up signboards as shown alongside that the footpath is for the feet only (‘Nataypaathay nadapatharkkay’). Only MMM wonders where the referred to footpath is.

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