Short N Snappy

On never-ending excavations

The Man from Madras Musings has quite forgotten how that particular street corner looks. He last saw it in November last year and that too fleetingly, for as far as he can remember, this street corner has remained more out of bounds than within bounds. It is one of those unfortunate places where, whenever they find time hanging heavy on their hands, the Corporation of our city, the Metro Water and Sewage Board, the Department of Telephones, the electricity experts who now rejoice in the name of TANG(L)-EDCO and the Public Works Department, immediately go to, to commence some dig or the other. When MMM was young, he would go to the seaside, spade and bucket in hand. These men on the other hand, find their recreation with pickaxe and shovel.

As to what they are digging for, MMM has never been able to fathom. But dig they do. And in keeping with any hobby, they do it every once in a while, whenever they are not called away for more pressing things. As a consequence, excavations here take forever, thereby blocking up this junction for good. Buses that would have otherwise taken this route have all perforce moved on to alternatives that include narrow by-lanes. And as they thunder down these, they brush the houses by the sides, sometimes taking away a window or two, at other times even a native or two. Here today, gone tomorrow is now the policy of the surviving windows and natives.

The dig that commenced last year was touted as the dig to end all digs. Apparently, sometime before the floods, some wire of TAN(L)EDCO got entangled with some telephone wires and so residents in the area switched on their lights by pressing their phone buttons and made calls through their light bulbs. They had learnt to live with this but what they were not prepared for was the intermixing of the water and the sewer lines. That would mean getting your drinking water from your chamber pot and abluting into your shower. The residents drew the line there and protested. Then came the floods. And with that life got somewhat more complicated.

To uncomplicate it all came our friends from all the departments mentioned above. Stockades were put up and work began. It has since continued forever. The stockades hav long fallen off, leading to days when bus drivers, no doubt new to the job, have tried to drive through thereby blocking off traffic for miles around. An even more frightening experience is to watch buses make a U-turn under a flyover nearby, this acrobatic act having become a necessity thanks to the dig. It is enough to take a few years off the life of anyone who happens to be walking or driving from the opposite direction.

One day, exasperated by it all, MMM made a post on social media asking as to when the work would get over. Among the plethora of responses MMM got was one from the IAS officer in charge of the Metro Water and Sewage Board. He requested MMM not to be so judgemental. The work, he said, was complicated and so it would necessarily take time. MMM apologised and then made bold to ask as to when it was likely to be completed. To this, the officer who is a good friend of MMM’s, replied that it would be over by August of this year. Came August and what does MMM see but that his friend the officer had been shifted. The work continues as its own pace. Now what was it that Lord Tennyson said about men coming and going but something else going on forever?

Congregational Amenity

Those who are in the know will know that Madras Musings has its offices in a fairly central spot of the city. As The Man from Madras Musings sits at his desk and writes these lines of immortal prose, he is aware that the stately home of the Nawabs of Arcot is a stone’s throw away. Not that he, MMM, would dream of casting a stone at those regal personages. A little further abaft is the temple of the moustachioed God. Then the sea. You get the picture. MMM sits in the middle of history and may he never be expelled from this Garden of Eden.

But in all this paradise, there is the odd serpent and by that MMM alludes to Yonder Meeting & Congregational Amenity which is a vast ground owned by some young men who associate with the good man who died on the cross. At least that is what the name of the association indicates. Several years ago, when MMM was on his way to becoming MMM, one of the functionaries of this association, who rejoiced in the Biblical name of the Stone of All Help, met MMM, gave tall talks on how the whole empty space was going to be remodelled into a world-class facility with rooms to stay, a gym, a restaurant, etc and made MMM part with some money for being enrolled as a member of that Valhalla when it would be eventually built. MMM still has the card to prove it. MMM is fairly certain that the man had coaxed several others the same way.

Since then nothing much has happened. The space remains empty. Except on days when political parties hire it for conventions, weddings, mass enrolments and what have you. Nowadays these days have become increasingly frequent and you can imagine the chaos that results. The road is usually awash with the unwashed. Very frequently they think they can wash at MMM’s office space. Then there is the noise – our leaders today do not like it if they are not received with drums from a neighbouring state being beaten for hours before their arrival. And these drums would be audible even if they were beaten in the neighbouring state. Post the drum beating session, you have the firecrackers. Traffic is held up even as the faithful stretch out hundreds of these all tied on a string and then set light to them. It is fortunate that the building where Madras Musings is located is of a solid construction, for otherwise we would be on the streets, along with the unwashed.

Once the crackers are burst, we have singing of songs, all of them off-key but rendered with a brazen boldness that makes all the difference. Once this is over and done with, we have the sirens announcing the arrival of the leader(s). Then we have the loudspeakers blaring out the speeches. And then the leaders depart, the loudspeakers are taken down and the ground empties, leaving behind enough debris and rubbish to make a rag-picker scream in delight. That Yonder Meeting & Congregational Amenity is just opposite a hospital is, of course, of no consequence. This is after all a Government-run health facility where nobody but the poor would ever dream of going, and they don’t count, do they?

MMM at least gets to go home at night, but not so is Young Lion, who resides right next to Yonder Meeting & Congregational Amenity. He has taken to writing letters to Madras Musings complaining about the state of affairs. As to what MM can do about it, is beyond MMM’s comprehension. Perhaps the Chief can throw some light.

Tailpiece

The Man from Madras Musings was stunned on seeing what is alongside. Enquiries revealed that this was sambar made sans onions, tamarind and other spices. MMM wonders as to why this is then made at all.

– MMM

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